It is really difficult to tell if a man or a woman you meet on Internet dating sites is “good.” Good here is meant to be all encompassing: honest, kind, thoughtful, conscientious, responsible and you can include any other traits you can think of that mean “good.”

If you think that a thumb nails size photo and a self-description is any indicator that you are finding someone who is “good,” you are being rather naive. It is your job to figure out “good” in your emails, texts, phone conversations and finally on dates.

You must be rather discerning and make sure you don’t let the, he’s/she’s cool, handsome/pretty, rich, holds a job, or any such traits that have nothing to do with “good” influence your decision to remain in the relationship.

There are all sorts of telltale signs that we often call red flags that you always see, after the fact, once you are hurt by this person. As such, it is important to see these red flags early on and understand what they mean.

Some examples may be noted in how this person treats family. It is not uncommon for all of us to treat family different than other people. We often take family for granted and may even snap at family members in a way that we would never treat friends or strangers. However, people who are not “good” notoriously treat family members with disdain, contempt and lack of respect.

Now you have to remember, sometimes the family members deserve disdain, contempt and no respect, but often the more negativity you find expressed by your date towards family members the more likely you will be treated the same way once you become family (marry). You don’t want to be in this kind of relationship with a “not good person.”

Another red flag is how often you argue with this person. If you argue a lot in the early stages of the relationship you will very likely argue more as it moves forward. This, as you can imagine, is not a good thing.

Flirty is not usually a trait of a “good” person unless their flirtatiousness is directed at getting a mate (you) and not for searching for the next mate while standing next to you. Those who are too flirty will very likely get responses that may easily lead to infidelity. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone with some timidity rather than being married to the guy/gal who’s always hanging all over everyone of the opposite sex?

Is frugality or cheapness a red flag? That could be a hard one to evaluate. If you are frugal, you will want to be with one who shares this trait. Even if you are not frugal, sometimes this person will be more likely to provide for your well-being long term. However, there are those who are not actually frugal but rather “cheap” and that can be a bad trait especially when coming from a person who is also not “good.” This type of person will often be rather controlling about all matters concerning money - not a fun person to be with.

Take off your rose colored glasses and look for red flags. In most every retrospective of your failed relationships there are many red flags that were ignored. If you catch them early you may just save yourself from much aggravation and grief.

The most important trait in anyone you have in your life is that of a GOOD HEART!

It's nice to be back on this blog. I have been actively writing for www.examiner.com which is why I have not been posting here regularly. Check out my posts on examiner:

http://www.examiner.com/dating-advice-in-atlantic-city/robert-fleisher