When you were young and dating, this topic never came up. Now that you may be entering into, living through, or just past menopause, and dating again, there are some important issues to consider.

First, some women get so uptight about the effects of menopause that it keeps them entirely out of the game.

For some, it was menopause that got them back into the dating game as it could have been a factor in a fifty-something divorce.

Menopause may express several changes that can adversely affect relationships. Almost all of these changes are the result of the actual cause of  menopause: decreased levels of hormones. Hormones can affect sexual desire (libido) and sexual performance, mood, depression and generalized comfort (hot flashes).

If you feel hot and sweat a lot, can’t sleep very well, are moody, not interested in engaging in sex and when you do it is painful, there is a good chance your relationship is not going to be all that good. Many couples get through this with the right amount of understanding, counseling/therapy, medical treatment and other assorted remedies. For others, there is a downward spiral that ends in either living frustrated lives without the closeness of sexual contact or divorce.

The very first thing you must do if you find yourself with a frustrated mate or without a mate at all due to this change in life is recognize that you have a problem and then get help. If your problem is mild, you may be able to work through it without too much difficulty, but if your problem is profound, you really need to talk to someone and get the appropriate therapy which may be a combination of talk-therapy and medications.

Because there is such misunderstanding about hormone replacement therapy (HRT), many women have been frightened away from this remedy that in certain cases is necessary. This BLOG is not the venue to discuss specific remedies, but you should speak with a knowledgeable doctor who works with bio-identical hormones.

If depression is the predominant effect of your menopause, it can easily become debilitating, or at minimum it can make seeking out treatment very difficult. Depressed people are often in denial or they don’t have the stamina, energy or clear-headedness to seek care. Often their friends and family will not know how to address the subject and it goes untreated.

I’d venture to say there are many women out there who have given up on relationships because they are too depressed to care. This is sad. If you know anyone like this, try to encourage them to get help.

If you want to meet a new partner (dating), being moody, sad all the time and having no interest in engaging in sex will limit your chances of finding anyone, and if you are depressed you won’t care one bit.

If you are able to maintain your mood and level of happiness and the only problem you have is sexual discomfort, there are many sex aids such as lubricants and toys that may help you to fulfill your sexual needs.

Women who have been out of the game for a long time may find sex with a new partner difficult both physically (painful and dry) and emotionally due to morality issues (sex was always a forbidden taboo), modestly issues (nakedness with a new person are not always easy) and image issues (feeling bad about your body and the changes that have taken place over the years). Again, these issues can all be remedied to different degrees depending on how much effort you are willing to give.

If your weight and body shape bother you a great deal, you may want to consider diet and exercise. Don’t expect that to happen if you are depressed. Even with the most positive attitude, too many years of neglect may make the task seem daunting. The other option is to use all of your other attributes to find and make a partner happy: kindness, sexual prowess (being good in bed) and personality. You may want to consider setting your standards more in-line with what you have become. Don’t expect Prince Charming to have much interest in you if you have become the first female Sumo wrestler.

While the subject in this post was dating and menopause, realize that it is not just menopause that sees these hormonal changes. With advancing age, all the effects continue. It is just during menopause that they are more dramatic and require an adjustment. As we approach old-age, there is a lot less sex going on. Relationships evolve into companionship and friendship, so make sure you like this person you date, because it may eventually lose some of the sexual/physical spark seen in earlier years.