If you are not in a committed relationship, there is a good chance a storm may be brewing.

While most people attribute this storm to women, hence the names of hurricanes used to be exclusively female; today it can go either way. While commitment concerns remains mostly a woman thing, there are some men who keep pushing for the commitment just as much as the women.

Why commitment? And why not?

This question is usually never asked nor answered, it just is. Well not here. Inquiring minds need to know! Remember, this is a guy’s view and I welcome the women to let their feeling be known.

I suspect that commitment is required for security. Yes, commitment and security can be interchanged as in, “I want to be in a secure relationship.” Now that we tweaked the term we can go deeper and regard commitment as something to do with financial security. Sure we all want and need emotional security and security of having someone to go to the next wedding or cocktail party, but in relationships it often has something to do with fiscal security.

I suppose no one wants to grow old alone, but if you have some assets, you can, at least expect to grow old with others at the old age home. I jest a bit, but knowing commitment can provide you with all of your health and living needs is a real good reason for commitment.

Beyond money, commitment means you have a good companion/friend with whom to do things, go places and enjoy life. This is a good thing, but a good friend may provide the same security, and I have often seen widows who never look for a new mate. Instead, they bond with women friends for companionship.

This is not a guy thing as far as I can see. Most older guy widows tend to search for commitment. They often need the security of being taken care of after living forty years with a woman. Many of these guys can't use a stove, washing machine or any household appliance - though do note they are usually very good using duck tape.

I think commitment in a relationship is wanting to know that this friend/lover can’t get up and go so easily. Commitment usually means a contract of some sort and this we call marriage. Most people who make intentions known that they want a committed relationship will often claim that they don’t necessarily need marriage. I suspect that is a way of easing their unsuspecting mate into the ultimate goal that being the marriage they told them they don’t necessarily need.

It is quite understandable that many and perhaps most would like to have commitment. Years ago when many women relied upon men for everything it made even more sense. Today, there are many accomplished career oriented women who truly don’t want a committed relationship and are content to have a companion as needed.

No matter what the case, if you are in a relationship that is not technically committed, you may soon be given the ultimatum: If you can’t make a commitment to me, I’m going to move on. This is a euphemism for I’m going to dump you if you have no intention of marrying me. When you hear those words, you have to be ready to respond because they are not likely kidding. And I don’t blame them. If you aren’t getting what you want in a relationship it is time to move on.

The thing most people making these commitments fail to realize is that in today’s flighty culture, marriage is not the hard to break bond it was at one time. It is certainly easier to say goodbye when not married, but many of these committed relationships fail for one reason or another and end in yet another divorce. For some this serves a great purpose all related to the original question of “why do you need commitment?” Once divorced, they had hoped to take a little booty for security reasons a.k.a. alimony. I guess they figure give some booty take some booty….whatever.

I think many people don’t take commitment seriously and only get into these committed relationship for selfish reasons. Ideally, if you were with a great mate and you took great care of each other’s needs, you’d have no reason to leave. Do we really need a contract to make this deal work? Maybe on the first go around where one or another might give up a career to raise a family they should split the booty, but does it make any sense to marry at fifty or later and have to give up your assets because you lived together for a few years? I don’t know the answers to all these questions, I just know that when we think with our hearts, our minds and our sex glands we come to some interesting conclusions about how we enter into relationships. Use all three when making important decisions like commitment.

When you are served the ultimatum, don’t respond immediately, because then you may just be using too much emotion, brain or glands to make your decision, and you will regret it later. Tell this person you need some time to think it over. Then you have to decide what’s most important to you. In youth, some guys let the little brain make the decision, and they get into a relationship that finds them years later involved in iDating. Others used too much brain and lost a great person to the frustrations of non-committal type persons. If you feel bad about making a commitment and you do it anyway, you will probably regret the decision years later. If it doesn’t feel right, move on and take that little brain with you.

For you ladies, while you are generally more practical than us guys and you realize the beautiful benefits of commitment, you too may find a time you don’t want to go there and your guys keep pushing you to the point of ultimatum. All the same rules apply, but you have to be even more careful because there are some guys out there who also want the security of commitment to use you and you assets for their own interests. Sometimes you have to put the heart on hold and think a little more with your brain. Love is blind. Where did I hear that before? “The lover is blinded about the beloved, and prefers his own interests to truth and right.” Plato (Laws 731e). Or was it Jessica in Merchant of Venice: But love is blind and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that they themselves commit….