WHO YOU DATING
INTERNET DATING AT ITS BEST/WORST
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(2011/02/01)
 

You have to decide what you want besides just the traits of the person you want to meet.

Do you want a monogamous relationship or do you want to date many? Do you want commitment like in the institution of marriage? The answer to these questions has much to do with your personal experiences and your desires and your view of the world. It even has a lot to do with your sex and I mean that in both gender and level of promiscuity.

It appears from my observations that more women are looking for marriage or at minimum a monogamous relationship. I can’t blame them. After all, they are the smarter sex  - to an extent. You see, monogamy is safer from a disease stand point and more secure from a “take good care of me,” stand point. And it has the potential to afford deeper spiritual and emotional connection.

It is not that all women want, or need to be taken care of, but if they can get a chance at an easy life, why not take it?

Don’t for a second think there aren’t guys out there with the same philosophy. They too would love to hook up with a Splenda Momma (that is the female version of a Sugar Daddy without all the calories – don’t think too much about that one - it’s just a joke).

Considering that many males have that insatiable sexual appetite, they may not be ready for the monogamous relationship. Some sociologists actually theorize that men are not wired for monogamy and need many mates to “spread their seed.”

Now here’s the part about how those "smart women" aren’t really all that smart. You see, there is much to be said about the expression, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

I really don’t think this subject would be discussed if all those cows held on to the milk until a commitment was made. People seem to forget (or in the case of those under forty, they never knew this stuff) there was a time guys could not get sex unless they made a commitment. There may have always been a floozy (lose woman) or two floating around, but for the classy girls, us guys would not get to sleep with them until we made a commitment.

The world has changed for the better according to those who subscribe to pop culture. Yes, we have free love, lots of strange diseases and all sorts of sexual crimes and perversions that may have never surfaced had we maintained some level of taboo associated with sex. Instead we took the “anything goes” attitude, and yes... anything goes.

Now please, ladies, don’t try this withholding sex thing at home. You see, it’s too late. Your predecessors (the women libbers) let the cat out of the bag (pussy out of the panties may be a more apropos expression, though so vulgar).

If you try to withhold sex in our uninhibited, cool society, you’ll come off looking square, not hip and you will probably not get many dates, unless you are drop dead gorgeous, or you don’t mind dating nerdy guys who are just happy to have a date. You can, however, at least be a little discrete and not jump into bed with everyone you meet on a first date. Yes, there are some nymphomaniac women out there who do jump into many beds, but they are usually not looking for monogamy any more than many guys.

I venture to say that this monogamy for women and serial dating for men is kind of universal as much as you might like to think I am off base with my observations. Just think Konkatsu. You may have never heard of this, but it is the latest thing to hit Japan (not counting that earthquake from a few months back). Konkatsu is marriage hunting, a national rage in Japan. Marriage rates in Japan have plummeted: from 1975 to 2005 unmarried went from 14% to 47% for men aged 30 to 34 and from 8% to 32% for women. Some argue that these societal changes are related to money troubles, uncertain jobs and the fading away from traditional matchmaking. Bull! The women are giving away the milk and the guys don’t need to make a commitment to fulfill their ever present lust for sex. That's why marriage rates are falling!

The desire for women to be taken care of is present in Japanese society too. It was best said by a 35 year old office worker, Yuriko Akamatsu, who told WSJ interviewers,

"I want to get married because I sometimes feel like quitting my job. Marriage is like permanent employment.”

Right on baby! I just wish I could have pulled that off in my first life. It is true, women have the opportunity to become the homemaker and be a stay at home mom if they are fortunate enough to have a husband who can support them in that style.

The Konkatsu movement sees more women than men running to meet for the purpose of marriage, and again I think this all has to with the dairy industry.

You really can’t date more than one person at a time if you want any kind of decent relationship. Everyone wants to feel loved, and if you are seeing two or more people, someone is going to get jealous, and I don’t blame them.

It is up to you to decide how you want to deal with the person who won’t make a commitment towards monogamy after a few months. You have a perfect right to tell this person that you care for them and if they expect the relationship to move forward, they need to be your steady. You can even take this farther and insist upon marriage. Just realize this person may walk out of your life if they feel pushed and if they are not ready for any commitment at that time or ever if that is their desire. You should try to figure this out rather soon in a relationship before you get hooked and it becomes very difficult to breakup.

Of course, you never know – perhaps if the two of you are really good for each other, treat each other with kindness and engage in sex as much as each one desires, one may change their mind and want to live with you for eternity. You never know!


Comments
• Roberta Foss-Morgan (2011/02/02 04:15)
Oh my! So much to learn. Intimacy is normal if one is enlightened and open and has resolved the past.
• Anonymous (2011/02/01 05:05)
As usual, Lynne makes great comments. One should feel it and not compromise within reason since there may never be that perfect soul mate you think is out there.
• Lynne (2011/02/01 03:46)
You know the bottom line is everyone would like to be in a nice relationship. It is all about timing which I have said for years. At my age I don't want to serial date. I would like to meet some who I can enjoy the rest of what years I have left. If it is right you darn well know it. Bottom line for me is I want a companion which does not mean I want to get married or have some guy take care of me. I love life and who ever comes into my life that enjoys life, too, and is ready for a one on one companionship great. I can tell almost immediately how I feel about someone I meet and I am darn sure they can, too. The problem with most women is they fall too hard too quickly. Life is so precious and the last thing you want is a companion who is not right for you. You just have to be honest with yourself. What I have learned in the past few years is you can't hurry companionship, love or what ever you want to call it. I met someone and boy I felt something but guess what it has to work both ways. One has to be strong to understand just because you feel something does not mean the guy is feeling the same way. It could be anything and most likely timing. That is why the on line dating does not work for me as I am not sure how serious the guys are. It is like a huge fishing pond for them. So I am going to keep my thoughts and hopefully meet some one the good old fishing way who sees what I have to offer and will fall for me as I am and what I can bring to a companionship

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