An interesting thing happens when you turn fifty and sixty; you find that you and some of your contemporaries are much more likely to have experienced diseases that result in deformity and disability than the typical youthful dater and even the thirty and forty year old daters.

By the fifties and sixties, there are many women who have had a bout with breast cancer or at least a breast biopsy. Sometimes there are disfiguring consequences.

Some of you needed feeding tubes placed for one reason or another and now have abdominal scars. There are certainly many out there with old appendicitis, caesarian, or abdominal surgery scars. And by this age, others have had bypass operations that leave them with assorted scars of the chest. There are even those who have colostomy bags required to repair bouts with colitis or bowel cancer.

It’s not wise to include these deformities on your e-date profile, unless you can do it with flare: Happy person looking for mate. Just purchased shoes to go with my bag  (colostomy). Let’s go on the town tonight!

While you should forget that idea, the likelihood is that your new date will have no idea about your infirmity until you get intimate unless you tell them. Yes, there will come a time that your new mate will see you naked and realize that you have had problems in the past. This can result in worry that may translate into other fears like performance anxiety in both men and women.

I would guess that it’s best to let things happen naturally with some subtle heads-up. As you proceed with intimate relations, the revelation will take place. If a disability or a deformity turns off your mate, you move on and recognize this wasn’t the person for you.

Once you get to know each other and have a fondness, deformity may be overlooked, as it should, unless you had a penis-ectomy in which case you may want to mention this before the phantom member is called into action.

Some will have the feeling that they need to be upfront with their dates before meeting them. They want to mention that they had breast cancer before the naked truth comes out. Others may want to wait until they have kissed/made out (do they even use that term anymore?). They may figure that if they stimulate the guys sex brain, he’ll be better with acceptance.

The conversation can go something like this: “I had breast cancer a few years ago and I just wanted to let you know.” This tells the guy that he may be in for something otherwise unexpected. A missing breast, nipple or other assorted surprises maybe better forewarned, but it depends on the person. If you are with someone who has trouble with the thought of any prosthesis or deformity, this isn’t the person for you. It doesn’t necessarily make the person shallow as there are some people who can’t handle certain things "medical," just like there are some people who faint at the sight of blood.

If there is a real issue, like you have no legs, or if you had a sex change operation, you may owe this person a little detail before you undress. This even goes for a colostomy bag.

I wish I had the answer for you on this matter, but I don’t. I guess there is a need for specialized sites like, iHaveNoPenis.date.com or colostomybag.date.com. That would be a way to deal with those types of personal matters.

I would suspect that your medical professionals would have ways for you to deal with your particular issue as they deal with it everyday.

Other ailments like a bad case of psoriasis or leprosy can be a concern as well. One of the reasons for such a comfort level with a mate who accepts you with all of your infirmity is that it makes for a loyal relationship.

While I am trying to make light of this, it is a serious subject that keeps many so inflicted out of the game all together, and that is sad.

There is nothing like a romantic connection.

Eckhart Tolle said, “A romantic relationship is worth seven years of therapy."

I think he said that, or maybe it was, “After a romantic relationship, you need seven years of therapy.”

In any event, you may want to talk to others who have managed this type of problem because you really should be in the game. Anyone with experience on these matters, please contribute to this post.