While men may pray at the altar of the Jade Temple, women may pray at the Mount of the Crimson Mushroom. To help out those who don't understand the poetry in these metaphors, just know the Crimson Mushroom is exactly what you think it is, so stop wasting my time by asking silly questions. As men do foolish things in order to pray at the Jade Temple, so do women at the Holy Mount... maybe even more so at times.

Women in the know understand how powerful it is to shower affection at the Mount. They understand how when the Mount is in the Vesuvius mode, i.e. ready to erupt, they can manipulate the High Priest, as he is, at that moment, in a state of weakness, and might just agree to anything, like buying you jewelry.

This is all said in jest, because everyone knows that as soon as the mount erupts, the last thing the Priest wants to do is buy anything. He would rather turn over and go to sleep.

There are amazing similarities between the Jade and the Crimson experiences. There are women who truly worship the Crimson Mushroom, and these women we call…nymphomaniacs. It seems many priests like these types while they are dating, and they may even like them as wives as long as their libido can keep these women satisfied. Most men, however, do not want their daughters to be Mushroom worshipers to this extent.

Then there are those women who only go to the Crimson Mushroom out of obligation or as a means to an end. These are the women who are more interested in the security aspects of a relationship and are willing to put up with the High Priest’s needs in order to have the security and joy associated with having a companion - a.k.a. snagging a husband.

Then there are all sorts of examples between these two extremes. What the guys want to find is the Goldilocks kind of disciple who has a good balance of Temple attendance and class. This is easier said than done; because some of those who just pray out of necessity only reveal their true selves when they marry the High Priest and tell him they no longer like to do certain things to the Crimson Mushroom. Well, by then it’s too late!

Women who wish to succeed in becoming a member of the Mount must show interest in the Priest and his Holy Sacraments (a.k.a. penis). The other option is looking for a Priest who has no interest in the Sacraments and prefers sermons, as this Priest will be fine for those looking for a relationship devoid of the physical while embracing the spiritual (a.k.a. having fun discussing the meaning of life and other such topics).

Yes, there are many differences between men and women and all of us have differing needs. This is why compromise is so very important in a relationship. This is why compatibility is so important in a relationship. We shall soon explore these two concepts: compromise and compatibility.