We discussed first-sex in an earlier post. Go take a look at that in the archives to see how performance anxiety relates to this post.

Performance anxiety is generally thought of as a man-thing. After all, without an erect penis there’s not much performance. However, this anxiety is widespread among women, too. Most of you forty, fifty and sixty year old folks haven’t been with another person since you were first married. This makes for a unique type of encounter: an encounter of a shy kind.

Not only are you worried about having sex and being good at it, you have to worry about disease, reputation, and even how well you look naked. I prefer to wear my Viking helmet and sounding a rams horn while standing naked at the foot of the bed. You'll have to decide how you would like to dress up for this encounter in a way that makes you look good. You know, something to hide the body like a barrel with a hole in the side.

For men, there is a real concern about performance. While men like to think of themselves as macho sex machines, the reality is that most are not, especially at this stage of life. Unless they’ve been having extramarital affairs on a regular basis, this first encounter may be fraught with fear. Once they get over the hump by humping, they will usually be okay. If the first encounter is a disaster marked by erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation (PE), it could set the stage for difficulty. To remedy the problem, there are highly effective treatments that include pills like Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra, and there are injections that are used to achieve erections that last for hours.

Men who don’t choose to remedy the problem by utilizing modern chemistry may consider psychotherapy that could take a long time to achieve results, if ever, or they can work it out on their own by making several attempts until they get back their confidence. It may be best that they utilize the services of an escort or visit a hooker to renew their sexual prowess. There are so many outlets for sex today that there is no need to lead a life of celibacy that is actually the choice for those who let the anxiety rule their life.

Since many of the women you’ll be dating aren’t the jump in the sac with anyone types, they may be much more understanding if you have performance issues. And the nurturing type will want to do anything they can to get you back in the saddle.

There are those women who are very aggressive sexually and they are not likely a good choice for a guy having performance issues.

The women have a different kind of problem. First of all, they usually need some type of emotional attachment to engage in sex. Not all, fit this pattern, but those who have no problem engaging in sex don’t really need to read this.

For those who do have a sexual anxiety problem, it can be a dilemma when you don’t jump into bed and don’t get a casting call back. In those cases, you are better off anyway since that type of guy either isn’t interested in you and figures he’d like to save the evening by sexual release, or he is on a quest to hop into bed with everyone as quick as he can. You don’t need that type of guy either.

Many women have issues about their bodies especially at this age. While they are often more accepting of their mates' flaws, they may be so hard on themselves that they will avoid dating altogether. That's not necessary. If you are that concerned about your body, consider working with a trainer and get yourself fit again. And there is even a chance you can hope into bed with your trainer.

If a guy is attracted to you, and you hold off sleeping with him, he’ll try again; maybe not for ten dates, but two or three may be a good rule to follow. Some may want to wait for ten dates or even for a marriage commitment before sleeping with someone, but that is sadly unrealistic in today’s society unless you are a member of the Taliban.

You have to remember that dating among older folks in this day and age isn’t teenage dating. Most all of you have been married, have children or at least have had sexual relations for years. That teenager remark doesn’t actually make sense here, because if you were teenagers today, you’d be hoping into bed with everyone.

If a guy is infatuated with you, and he isn’t a “player” (one who has no trouble sleeping around) you may actually be able to get a commitment before engaging in sexual relations. You should realize that e-dating offers an abundance of opportunities to meet other people, so the rules have changed radically. If you are hot and looking for a stud, he may not spend a lot of time courting you when there are others to go to so easily for a sexual relationship.

Regarding actual performance, women do have it easier in that they can actually lay there and act like they are have an amazing time. However, many women have concerns about dryness and pain during intercourse. Many of you have, or are going through menopause, a time when sex can become difficult in the best of situations. You may want to consider bringing your own personal lubricant to the bedroom.

Since you can’t count on guys to be ready for safe-sex, being that they think with their penises and not their heads, you also may be wise to bring your own condoms. Don’t let the heat of passion be a reason for you to risk getting a disease that you may have for the rest of your life.

Don’t be afraid to start off easy. Not too many women will be upset if you don’t jump into bed on the first encounter. You can do some petting initially and that may help to ignite the flames of passion needed to get a guy going. That may help get the woman going too.

Sex is a very complicated physical, social, psychological phenomenon. It takes time and understanding. Be kind to those who may not be ready to engage.