Here we go with another “First,” The First Kiss.

The first kiss has always been difficult for most people other than rapists, pillagers and invaders. For those of us who have been more or less civilized and socialized, there is a protocol to the first kiss that is understood to exist, yet not very well understood. Does that makes any sense to you?

While your parents may have made an attempt to teach you about the birds-and-the-bees, they didn't likely go into the first kiss as they probably didn't know what to tell you.

It is important to remember that we live in a world of double standards, and while the world is changing rapidly, it is the guy who usually and traditionally initiates the first kiss, unless you are dating a hooker, nymphomaniac, female rapist or a very smart woman who wants to get her man. This puts the pressure on the guy, and if he has a fragile ego, the task is daunting.

Much of the difficulty lies in the rejection factor. One of the most humiliating experiences has to be going in for that kiss and having the other person turn away, and that’s only if they are polite. Worse yet is if they are on the vocal side and they shout out, “What do you think you’re doing!"

If they add “the hell” after the word “what” that stings even more . And worse, yet, is if they throw up on you.

To allay your fears, having your date throw up on you when you attempt the first kiss is very unlikely (maybe one in five - just kidding).

So, the first step in managing the first kiss is to get over the rejection factor. If you have any semblance of reality, and if you are a reasonable judge of character, you should be able to tell if this person is going to reject you before you go for the kiss.

Use common sense. If it isn’t the first date, and they liked you enough to go out with you a second time, you should not expect rejection for your kiss. However, even with all this logic in your corner, the first kiss is always awkward.

Will they like the way I kiss? Will they think I have bad breath? Will they expect the presentation of the tongue (what a dignified way to say French kiss)? These are just some of the thoughts you may have.

Don’t be afraid. What’s the worst that can happen? Yeah, I remember the throwing up scenario, too. So, big deal. You’ll never see this person again. You’re a big boy and you’ll get over it. Just consider carrying some antiseptic cleaners and deodorant products specifically made for cleaning up after such biohazzard events.

It does make sense to accomplish this task of giving the first kiss at an appropriate moment. The most obvious time is when you are about to say goodnight at the end of your date. This is mostly likely not the first date that we are speaking of currently (we shall address first date kissing later). When you are about to leave, you stand close, put your hands on her waist and hope she doesn’t yell, “Rape!” This moment is her last chance to pull back before the kiss begins and she knows it. So if she pulls back, just say goodnight and forget this chick.

Assuming you now have you hands on her waist and she's not struggling to get away, say something clever, like, “I’ve been waiting all night for this.” Lean in and kiss. If the chemistry is there, she should respond and she may even invite you to stay a bit longer. Who Ah! It worked.

If you aren’t the verbal type, forget the line and just lean in and go for the kiss. In either case, if she responds well, the kiss should last 6.4 seconds – don’t look at your watch, you can learn to judge this by purchasing an egg timer and practice kissing your hand, a firm grapefruit, a plump gourd or slender zucchini depending upon your taste in women.

The reason you go for this short-term kiss is because this is the “test kiss.” This is the kiss to see "where you stand." If it’s really good (i.e. she seems responsive), and you are still holding her by her waist, say, “That was so nice,” and immediately you go for number two. No, you moron, that doesn’t mean you poop in your pants. You kiss her again and this time it should last 12.8 seconds and you may even want to try "the tongue thing," however if the gate begins to close, get your tongue out of harms way immediately. DDon't forget the French also invented the guillotine.

Kissing and sex is very personal, so she may want more and ask you to stay, or she may want more and tell you goodnight so as to not appear "loose." Don’t let this relativity of responses throw you. You should be able to tell when someone likes you. They may have some moral reason to hold back a bit. Remember, this is the first kiss and it should lead to more as you move forward in the relationship.

Because, we aren’t children and most of us are no longer virgins, you can expect to get a kiss on the second date. If you don’t get a kiss by the third date, cut your losses and move forward with your next iDating exploration.

If the chemistry is amazing, and your up for some adventure, you can try all of this first kiss stuff on the first date. Realize that you may be reading your date all wrong and the person is just polite and cordial on this first date. In that case, you may get rejected. That’s why you are probably better off waiting for the second date to get the first kiss.

Also, remember, the first date is often coffee at Starbucks. Kissing goodbye (or getting thrown up upon) at the entrance to a coffee shop is not cool. If you’re ever not sure what to do, just ask yourself, “Would James Bond do this?” For you women, just ask yourself, "What Julie Andrews would do (Brittany Spears for those modern women out there)?

Now for some more thoughts for you women. If the guy doesn’t kiss you on the second date and asks you out again, he is probably shy and has great difficulty initiating that first kiss. This is where you can shine and snag the poor sucker real easy. Shy guys generally love the girl to takes that first step because they are so inept at it. You don’t want to come off as a floozy, but you most certainly can do what was described above for the guys to do. That’s right, hands on waist, lean and go for it.

Women don’t realize it, but there are many men who are timid with the first kiss due to an overwhelming fear of rejection. Yes, it hurts our ego. So if you want to score big, be the aggressor.

There are other men who are either very experienced, have strong egos, or are lechers, and all of them will be the aggressors.

The first kiss all boils down to being savvy enough sense the chemistry of the first date, while a second date already told you they were interested.

Presenting the tongue should be reserved for the second kiss of the second date or later. While it can go over great on a first kiss if you are good at it, and if they like you, holding back lends to anticipation and excitement.

Today most people French kiss. If the first kiss is very sensual, it makes for a better crescendo to wait for the tongue to come alive on the second or third kiss. It’s like building up to rapture. It’s like oral foreplay, so to speak.

There are those who do not like French kissing, and you have to respect that decision. Notice, I didn’t say you have to go out with them again, just respect the decision, and remember, if they don’t French kiss, a blow job or cunnilingus may be out of the question. You decide what you want and act accordingly.

If you really want to let a person know you like them without being too forward on the first meeting, a little hug or even a kiss on the cheek is the way to go. People who are not interested do not show those little affections so this is a simple fast way to say, “I like you and would like to see you again.”

Guys must keep in mind that women are nuts. They could accept a second date, and by the end of it realize that you are a dud. If that happens, you’re going to notice a coldness as the evening wears on. If that’s the case, don’t even consider trying for the kiss.

Women must keep in mind that guys are nuts and they really want that kiss, so don’t lead them on if you aren’t interested. Being that men don’t need much to get physical, if you aren’t interested, don’t do those cutie hugs, cheek kisses, or touchy feely moves and later reject the poor soul when he tries to kiss you passionately.

I do hope you realize that much of this treatise on the first kiss is tongue in cheek - not tongue in mouth!