Okay, you made the first contact by phone, email, carrier pigeon or whatever manner you picked. Now it’s time to meet.

For all of you neophytes, Starbucks seems to be the meeting place for the Internet date first encounter. There’s a Starbucks on every corner, it’s a public place, and it's safer than a Motel 6 or the parking lot of a convenience store in the woods for your first meeting. You can go to any public setting, but for some reason, Starbucks seems popular, trendy and cool, so you want to pick that kind of place.

The difficult part for me is that I don’t drink coffee and each time I say, “How about we meet for coffee?” This is an outright fib, so I’m starting off behind the eight-ball if they happen to notice that I order the Chai tea.

On my first formal date – notice I didn’t say my first date – this chick and I had so many calendar conflicts that I actually went on another first date before this first date came to pass. Anyway, on this first date, she told me to pick her up at her apartment.

My son, who has never tried this type of dating, immediately criticized me for making two critical e-dating errors.

“How can you go to her apartment? She could be an axe murder! And how could you possibly date anyone who doesn’t have a picture of themselves posted?”

While this level of paranoia may seem odd to some of you, I am glad my kids learned so well from their paranoid dad. You see, this kind of advice he gave to me was good.

Why would you want to go on a blind date when today’s photo-upload technology offers you a way to see if there’s any semblance of chemistry based on looks before you even consider asking someone to go on a date. And going to her apartment did start to sound kind of scary, like right out of that James Cahn, Kathy Bates movie, Misery.

As a result of my son’s warning, I decided to give this woman’s address and phone number to my family members who would be the most likely ones to arrange for my burial. They could give this information to the FBI or whatever agency would investigate my disappearance in order to find the body for said burial.

While I jest, these are two strict rules you must follow.

1- No picture, no date. Sure they could post someone else’s picture, but no picture tells you this person could look like something on the order of Chewbacca from out of Star Wars. If they did post a phoney picture and you meet this person, and their picture is so off the wall, you have a perfect excuse to say something like, “That picture you posted looks nothing like you.”

Wait for an answer and get ready to politely say, “I’m sorry, but trust and honesty are very important to me as I noted in my profile, and there is something about that picture that seems less than honest."

Naturally, you don't use that line if you didn't heed the next to be described rule, and you end up at this dates apartment, duck tapped to a chair with a rubber mask fitting so tight that you can't breath through your nose. In that case you say, "You look so good in that picture. I'd like to show it to my mother so she can see how cute you are. How about letting me go so I can show her the picture?"

2- Don’t meet or offer anyone to pick you up at your home. Yes, they might just be an axe murder like my son cautioned. In my particular case, this lady was very nice, not my type, but very nice, and she didn’t kill me which is why I am able to offer you this great advice.

The problem is that you don’t want a stranger to know where you live. They could be nuts! And if you really don’t like them, the last thing you want is to have them take you home and try for that always-awkward first, and, in this case, last kiss. Meeting at a public place prevents most from going after that kiss, so you're safe.

Assuming you trust my advice and don’t need to live on the edge, you will now pull up to a Starbucks or whatever place you picked. You can place yourself strategically near the door, and usually figure out which person entering the establishment is your date by using the universal law of negativism: the guy or gal that you have no interest in meeting based on how they look is probably your date. If they gave a recent picture you will be able to recognize them.

Because you placed yourself strategically, you can probably escape without them seeing you if they don’t live up to your expectations.

I don’t think it's very ethical to leave before meeting this person. What’s the big deal in having a cup of coffee with a stranger, not counting the fact that they could slip a date rape drug into your coffee when you go to the bathroom (pee before they get there – and yes paranoia keeps you safe).

Now that you decided to stay for the coffee encounter, it’s your chance to shine. If you like this person, show them all you got – no, don’t pull down your zipper or lift up your blouse – that just an expression – have a conversation and find out all about this perspective mate. If there is real chemistry you will surely be seeing this person again without all the nervousness related to the possiblity of being rejected when you say, “Would you like to go out again?”