You may try to set up an iDate online by using email, but it is probably smart to speak with your dates before you meet them.

While I have a fantastic personality and can make anyone laugh (i.e. I posses that incredibly desirable quality of having a good sense of humor that most everyone puts as a requisite for a mate in their profile - others may not agree with this assessment about my humor, but at least Diamond Girl thinks I'm funny), I don’t really want to invest a whole bunch of time speaking with someone who I may never want to be with once I meet them. That’s merely my take on phone calls. You have to decide what works for you, but remember there are pros and cons to phone relationships.

A big advantage is that some of you may be able to feel out what this person is like and that may prevent you from setting up a wasted date. At the same time you may get to know them well, like them, and have a preconceived expectation that could allow for major disappointment and embarrassment when you have to tell them there is nothing there physically. A situation like that will make you look shallow even though chemistry is a major fact of life.

A good compromise would be to call, talk for a bit (an introduction of sorts), make the date and continue your conversation in person.

When someone calls to set up a date, it’s a pretty good idea to answer the phone. While you may think advice like this is wasting your time, trust me when I tell you there are people who need this advice.

There was a woman I contacted on the dating site email and she gave me her cell number. I didn’t call right away, and after two months, she emailed me again to mention that she’d like me to call. I emailed her apologizing for my delay and to note that I was going to call her shortly. The next day I called.

First rule: if you sound like a sea hag, witch, drunken sailor or a dullard, hire someone to record your greeting. And when you actually pick up the phone, use your sexy voice filled with loving kindness if you are a woman and use your sexy deep baritone voice if you are a guy.

The voice on this woman’s answering machine sounded a bit curt and asthmatic. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but try to sound, at minimum, nice, and preferably seductive.

These rules apply to both the men and women. Not to say the "great voice" is always a good indicator that always works. I have known some rather unpleasant looking people who have voices that could get them hired at phone sex companies in a minute. But remember this is often the first contact and the most influential. So don’t blow it.

Rule two: If you plan on having people call you, and for a date in particular, it’s a good idea to make sure your answering machine isn’t full (I know, I don't believe I have to tell this to you either). It’s very annoying to get the message that the mailbox is full and can accept no messages, or to hear a phone ring endlessly. You have to remember, for some people, getting up the nerve to call is a chore. The last thing you want is for them to give up because you’re hard to reach.

So what do you talk about?

The space here is limited so a course in How to Have a Personality is not going to happen. I would suggest that you be yourself. After all, you can't really be something you are not, so if you are dull you'll have to hope you called someone who is into dullness because they will figure this out at the first date if not on the first phone call.

If you aren't a natural at conversing, write out a list of things to say and ask. Remember you either say something or ask something. It's that simple.

You begin by saying, "Hi, I'm John from Dates are us. As I mentioned in that email, I was going to call you. Did I get you at a bad time?"

Okay, you're in the door (figuratively speaking). They will usually say, "No," even if they are in the middle of something pressing, because as much as you want this date, so do they.

You want to stay away from "dull" i.e. don't say, "Nice day, isn't it?" Go for something like, "I know this Internet dating thing is kind of awkward, but is seems to be a good way to meet interesting people."

Now you sound like a regular guy (remember, it's usually the guys who makes this initial call). You just tossed the ball into her court (again figuratively speaking) and if she is not a dullard, she'll say something that keeps the conversation going. GO WITH THE FLOW!

For you ladies, I'd suggest that you try to sound agreeable even if you don't agree. Like saying, "No, this Internet dating sucks. All I meet are creeps," is not the way to toss the ball back into his court.

So if he says “it's a good way to meet,” you say, "Yes, it can be a really good way to meet."

See how easy that was?

Don’t be surprised if this person would like to talk for awhile. It is just another approach. Some people like to get to know the person on the phone before wasting time to actually meet.

This kind of person will usually ask all sorts of questions to keep the conversation going. You can go with it. After all it may make sense to learn a little more about this person if they are interested in talking more.

They will usually ask you about your situation: “So how long have you been divorced?”

This opens up a conversation that could have the potential to last all night, but it will usually reveal something about this person. Other areas of interest have to do with your job, your kids, and things like that.

As noted, you may invest a lot of time and effort only to be disappointed when you meet, but that is for you to decide what approach you want to take knowing the pros and cons to each.

I don’t think you have to talk to this person on the phone more than once to set up the date, though some women want to get to know the guys more before they put themselves in jeopardy. They think by talking to a guy ten times on the phone they can intuitively tell if the guy is a serial killer.

If they are fun to talk to go with it and let them get to know you better.

It’s just my take that I don't think it's a good idea to talk too much unless the chemistry is flowing. I prefer to set up a time to meet this person.

You'll ask if they'd like to get together for coffee (even if you don't drink coffee) or a drink (this is a good way to see if this person is an alcoholic like your last spouse).

That's all there is to it. You are now ready to meet this person who could turn out to be your soul mate (figuratively speaking)!