I find it utterly amazing how many great men and women are on dating services - at least based on their descriptions of themselves.

They often start out by telling us how their friends would describe them. Terms like loyal, sweet, loving, kind, caring, nurturing. You get the idea. Just add every conceivable nice quality and you get the picture. Now here's the part that's difficult to comprehend. Most of these folks are divorced!

Why would anyone in their right mind let these people get away?

There's got to be something wrong with this picture. I suppose this is no different than Madison Avenue on dating.

Maybe we should have a Truth-In-Dating Site where the ex writes the profile for each person. Then we might get a different picture: He's a lazy bum, drinks too much, can't hold a job and cheats at the drop of a hat. Or maybe, she's a real bitch, keeps a lousy house and cooks things that can't be eaten. Again you get the picture.

In spite of all the negative ways your ex may think of you, there is a lid for every pot. Someone out there may find you just as charming as all your friends think you are.

So, if your ex thinks you’re a jerk, how is it that your new love thinks you are so great? This is an almost absurd reality of life and love. No matter what a jerk your ex was, there are going to be those out there that will not know it, or see it right away.

If he/she is really a jerk, in time they will be found out. Yes, once the honeymoon (usually defined as lust) is over, the real person shines through.

This is not to say that there are some jerks that belong together. There are some jerky traits that drove you crazy, yet they may be admired by someone else who is actually nice. It’s all relative. If your ex was a controller, and this new mate prefers to be controlled, now that’s going to work while it didn’t for you.

The thing that got me thinking was how some women think I am really nice, romantic, helpful, and all sorts of other things that would probably make my ex’s blood boil. Could she tell them a thing or two!

The reality (from my point of view, which means this is a relative-reality – yes, I am the first to put forth the theory of realitivty) is that we can get sick and tired of each other over time because we take each other for granted, we lose the passion, we are disrespectful when speaking to each other and we forget why we fell in love. We show contempt - the prime source of failed relationships according to Dr. John Gottman who has studied marriages more than most anyone.

That explains it all! This is why one person can fall in love with that jerky ex you had enough of after twenty years. This is the derivation of the expression, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” I do hope this metaphor helps when you think of your ex!

It is probably best to find peace with your ex, especially if you have children and want to be able to sit in the same room and be nice. Perhaps your ex was really a good person and for one reason or another you grew apart. Always give the benefit of the doubt, and remember you are no longer with this person so don’t let them continue to hurt you. Think of the good times!