Profiles are how you and all the other members of Internet dating sites describe yourselves.

There is both an art and a science to manufacturing your profile. The science is the easy part. You figure out what year you were born and do a simple math calculation to come up with your age. For your weight you use the scientific method: stand on an accurate scale and see what the reading indicates. This number is called your weight. You probably noticed that you don’t have to understand advanced mathematics nor be a rocket scientist to come up with these very objective answers for you profile.

It is the art of the profile that takes a little more creativity than the science. Perhaps lying is a better word than creativity. One honest (after the fact) date explained to me that others told her about the rule of five: you must subtract five from everything. That’s right, you state that you are five years younger and five pounds lighter than you are. This bothered me because I am usually honest, and honesty is the one trait that most everyone on Internet dating services cherishes in their profiles. So what does this mean? Everyone is a liar?

Well, yes.

This isn’t so bad as long as you now conduct your search for a new mate looking for someone who is five pounds lighter and five years younger than you actually desire. You have to learn to navigate in the trenches. It’s not always that easy and you have to expect to date a few toads before you find that prince or princess you so long for.

I did not succumb to lying. Of course I’m lucky, standing over six-feet tall and weighing in at 170 pounds, but I still understand the mentality of all this. If you happen to weigh a few pounds more that you like, you may as well tell this potential mate your ideal weight: the weight you desire, even if it isn’t what you weigh. Don’t get carried away. No one wants to meet someone who wrote down what they weighed when they were eight years old.

This rule of five still scares me. While I haven’t yet encountered a request for this much information, I sure don’t want to subtract five from the size of my penis or it will come out looking like it did when I was eight years old.

You want to come off looking like a good catch, so read through several of the profiles from others and you will surely find someone who got it right. They probably paid a professional public relations firm to write their profile, so don’t be afraid to steal some of their unique lines, phrases, and characterizations to enhance your profile.

Oops, did I say steal? Let’s say borrow. Remember everyone is looking for honesty and trust.

Many services offer an opportunity to state what you do for a living, how much money you make, and your level of education. Remember, some people are only out for what they can get, and others seek the security of a rich companion. Be careful what you reveal to strangers on the Internet. You don’t want some one to use you for your money. And surly you don’t what to be a kept man or woman (actually that’s not such a bad idea if you can find the right mate who just so happens to be very rich).

There are secret codes that help you find the good catches. Profiles indicating things like the person has an advanced education at the graduate level in medicine is a subtle way of stating that they may just be a doctor. Still you must consider that this person is exaggerating (or lying) and they really mean that they have a doctor who has advanced medical education. While some may argue that it's just a sublte exaggeration, I see a big difference!!

When they check off the highest income level which is not actually very high in today’s inflationary world (usually around $100,000), it is not that impressive for someone looking for the über rich mate, but it sure beats anyone who checks off that they make half the amount of the government poverty level. Since you are starting over, you may just want to look for someone a step above that homeless creep you hooked up with last time around.

Another indicator of wealth that is very subtle involves noting that their interests include investing. I’ve noticed several women include investing as an interest in their profile and it does pique one’s interest in knowing that a perspective mate has a few bucks, or why else would they be interested in investing. Caveat emptor! They may want to invest your money after they dump you.

Many people come off as being very active. They must think everyone loves this attribute. We all would like some vitality in our mates, but this may not be such a great thing to list unless you really want to date a marathon runner. I was actually turned off to a few women who listed their numerous activities with such gusto that I got tired just thinking about how active they were.

The bottom line: you can exaggerate a little and lie even less, but don’t come off being what you are not, or you will disappoint all involved. Truth is really the best policy.

You will find many people don’t post their picture, and as noted in the blog post on photographs, you probably don’t want to make contact with them. You’ll save a lot of time if you include little tidbits of advice in your profile: I do not respond to those who don’t post their picture. Another tidbit goes like this: I do not respond to IM. I cannot type witty remarks that fast and they did invent the telephone a few years ago (IM is instant messaging – a device your kids love, but for the life of me I don’t get it). These two warnings should save you from much wasted walks down empty trails.

If someone contacts you with no picture but an intriguing profile, and you want to chase after them, go for it. But there is so much out there, why waste your time?

There’s a world of single people out there waiting to meet you. There’s a lid for every pot, and you can find some very nice and interesting people if you are careful and savvy in your selection process. Now get on line and go for the gold! That’s a figure of speech, you know.