We all have our stories to tell. The stories of how we were suddenly thrust into the dating world after many years of marriage or comingling. Before we can begin the healing and the journey of dating, its best to tell your story, but not to your dates. They often find your stories filled with anger, frustration, hate and animosity. Let's face it. No one wants to date people harboring those indignities. So tell your story to your shrink, your bartender, your best friend or your pet. Here's my story. You can use it for comparison, and maybe you won't even need to tell your story once you realize the universality of the experience.

I was 58 when my wife left me. Fifty-eight – I just can’t believe it! While I feel young and vital, the number scares the hell out of me. Who wants a fifty-eight year old guy? As it turns out, a whole bunch of sixty-five year old women. You see it appears that everyone wants someone a few years younger. Now it’s my turn to find a new mate, companion, lover, or at least a date for next Saturday night.

There are numerous factors that come to play in the dating game –many of the same ones that came to play in youth. Yes – every one still wants the best mate they can find with the following traits: handsomest, most beautiful, most popular, caring, loving, loyal, truthful, successful, rich – yes, rich is very important, and sexy – yes sexy is very important, but not as much as in our youth. And don't forget funny - someone who can make us laugh.

Not unlike a precious gem, this ideal mate is valuable because they are so very hard to find. I suspect that in our youth, most of us realized that we must compromise. Back then, we tended to pick the prettiest, most handsome, most popular and so on and so on, that we could get.

What we want and what we get often differ based on what we bring to the table. If all you bring to the table is some stale bread and moldy cheese, you end up with pretty much the same.

Alas, with all this knowledge and the fact that I bring to the table a pretty decent spread, I’m setting my standards high. Upon this pedestal I plan to place the most important quality – a good soul – oh how the shallowness of youth has passed me by.

It’s been seven months since my wife of thirty-four years left me. She moved out of the house leaving me with two houses: a beautiful suburban home with a pool, as well as a dream house at the shore no more than a hundred feet from the beach. There are views of the ocean from most every room.

Yes this is no stale bread. I have a dream car, some times referred to as a girl magnet, some times referred to the same thing with a vulgar term I shall refrain from mentioning. No moldy cheese in this package. How did I get these material things? I worked way too hard for many years.
          Material things have no correlation to being a good person, a good friend, a good lover, or even financial security. Material things look impressive to many who expect a direct correlation between "things" and "goodness." Actually, sometimes those with the most "stuff" are the biggest jerks, often letting success go to their heads.

How long can I expect to have all of these nice things? Divorce does something very humbling to those who worked a life-time to achieve a station in life. It sort of forces one to take an involuntary vow of poverty. Can you imagine how devastating it is to lose half your net worth in the stock market? Now that you have a point of reference, I will tell you that it feels about a million times worse if you were betrayed. Can you imagine a business partner stabbing you in the back and the court tells you to give him half of everything? Not pleasant.
        Anyway, you have to get past this. So take pictures of your nice house and cool car and when you go on dates show them to the person you are trying to impress. It may also be a good idea to avoid taking a first date to your new refrigerator box that you live in after the divorce. Sure you may have a really nice big screen TV... box... extension recently added on to your main refrigerator carton, but if it rains, you'll have to duck tape the roof instead of attending to your date.
        As I collect the words for this discourse, I am having my biweekly manicure and pedicure. It is important to understand, in years past, I never partook of this high-style living to procure women, and I actually never had a manicure, let alone a pedicure until my brother introduced me to the indulgence that all you women appreciate. It was right after my breakup. It was his way to console me in a time of despair. He said it would take my mind off the breakup.

You must understand that my brother is a mafia hit man. A manicure is not what you’d expect, and neither did I. Actually, he is not a hit man, but he does look the part in that he is big and strong and you too would never guess he gets manicures.

So here I am at the nail salon, and for the first time in my life, I think I understand the true meaning of vulnerability, rebound and being needy. A young Vietnamese girl, one-third my age, rubs my feet and calves – I am in love! No, she’s not gorgeous. And how rich can she be on two dollar tips, even working twelve-hour days? Is she good in bed – who knows? Is she popular? Hard to tell since she doesn’t speak much English. I can only elicit polite smiles as I ask her deep philosophical questions like, “How are you?” or, “Busy today?”

When I offer a compliment: “You are very good!” I’m hoping that she’ll massage a bit above my kneecap (oh, the fantasy is so nice), or perhaps she’ll rub my toe against her breast for the joy of a fleeting pulse of blood to my groin. While I never had a foot fetish, I do have a new respect for all sorts of perverts.

Yes, I embark upon the single world with much trepidation. We have all the same questions: Will I ever love again? Will I meet someone nice? Will I meet someone really hot? Will I live alone forever? Will I be lonely? I could go on and on, but you get the point. 
        Let’s begin the search for a companion, a new mate, a lover, a spouse, a friend, even a goat is starting to look like an option when you are really down, but trust me, it isn’t all that bad.

You do have to get over the shock, anger, fear and depression that comes with lost love weather it be by betrayal, death or by choice. If you go into the dating scene and you aren’t ready, it may prove to be very difficult and even impossible to connect with anyone on a meaningful level.