Unless you have been part of an arranged marriage, there is a good chance that chemistry had some influence on your becoming a couple. You saw a picture (like onInternet dating sites), it was love at first sight, or some such chemical phenomenon took place the moment you cast eyes upon your beloved. Sure there are those cases where it took time for the chemical reaction to take place, but there is that inexplicable force that drives you to the ones you find attractive.

We are not talking here about the complexities of sexuality that, at times, may have nothing to do with the chemistry of sight, but rather
find couples getting together because of sexual needs, desires or practicality, i.e. this person has become a sex partner where the sex drive took precedent over the physical looks of the individual.

For argument, assume that there is real, bona fide chemistry that brings you together. Can that chemistry fade over time and ultimately be lost to such an extent that you are no longer attracted to your mate?

I remember a fellow telling me about some woman with whom he was having an illicit affair. Little did he know that I knew the woman and her husband. This is just another example of the indiscretions people commit. Lucky for him, I wasn’t very close to either party, but you can imagine what might have happened if I was the underworld partner in crime of the guy who was cheated upon. Very likely this story-telling philanderer might have ended up in the trunk of a car. But I digress. The point here is what happened to that chemistry that lead to the adulterous affair?

Certainly adultery is a very complex subject, and very often chemistry has nothing to do with it. However, in this case, the lady who left the nest was rather attractive and built well, hence, a perfect specimen for a guy to cross the line. The cuckold (husband of an unfaithful wife), on the other hand had not aged well. At fifty, he lost most of his hair and added around 100 pounds to his high school build. And wouldn’t fate, or Mother Nature, have played another trick? For some untold reason, a bunch of wart-like growths sprouted
upon his bald head, face and neck. The reason for these descriptions is to make a vivid point. If they had both remained closer to their younger looks things may have turned out different. If they both aged poorly they may have stayed together. The sad story is that the chemistry was gone, possibly as a result of the disparate paths their looks took. This is no justification for adultery by any means. This is to make a point, in this case, to the extreme. There is a chance you will fall out of love because of a chemistry that fades away. Ohter reasons include need for attention, withholding sex, poor hygeine...the list is long.

So what does this have to do with dating? Not really much. You don’t control your chemistry. You are attracted to those who do something to your brain on an aesthetic level. You can explain it as thinking that this or that person is attractive. That is really what it’s about. When dating, it is good to at least start with some chemistry, but a relationship needs more.

While you can understand chemistry, you can’t control it. It controls you. Hopefully you will find a mate who is pleasing to you in the chemistry arena. Once this happens you should remember the story about how chemistry most certainly can be lost. To keep that
from happening take care of yourself so that you don’t change so radically that you ruin the chemistry experiment.